Cut off

My brain is fading. I feel it. It is being attacked on a daily basis minute by minute. Living in London means living outside oneself.  The request of the outside world  is constant and intense. It kills all brain power. I can never follow through a thought. I can never keep a mood or even find a mood. You are always required to act and react. And your soul fades away. My connection with beyond has nearly gone. The walls of communication have thicken so that I cannot hear what is beyond. The Earth has also sealed itself on itself. All satellites looking in on the planet. The Earth is locked in a permanent, toxic selfie. The blanket noise prevents reception from outer space. I need to retreat deep and far, but feel unable. Is that why on a larger level everything seems to go badly wrong? We are cut off from any deep cosmic radiation? Am I talking rubbish? Why does it feel that way though?...The planet is not locked in a room. It evolves in space and space should be open. But we managed to layered it with junk, debris and satellites and stuff. If you block your windows with junk, the light does not shine through. It could be what is happening to us and why everything is so bathed in gloom nowadays.

Patti Smith: Horses.

I saw Patti Smith in concerts about 4, 5 times before, but last Friday at The Roundhouse was an unique, special experience. Perhaps it is because she replayed the whole Horses album and that this album means so much to me? Horses, along with Ziggy Stardust and Lou Reed's Berlin, was the very music of my teenage years. Symbol of my despair, rage and powerlessness. Before Horses, I was a child. After, I became a teenager. It broke the safe bubble of my childhood. I awoke to the real world, funny enough, through the torn and ethereal rifts of Horses. So, this is a music I can never listen to objectively. It is loaded with emotions, from despair to exhilaration. It is the very music of my deep past and eternal youth.
So it was quite something seeing Patti Smith singing again as she sang in Paris, in 76 or 79?  I don't remember, I was just about 15 and in awe of her. What I mostly remember from that long past concert is how chaotic it all was. Utter chaos in the audience, we were standing close to the stage but in a perpetual motion from the sheer pressure of the crowd and on stage, it seems it was just as shambolic. The music was screechy and inaudible really, from the sheer loudness. I only remember chaos all over. After, I waited a very long time hoping to see her at the exit door but the wait was too long and I gave-up after about 45 mn. Would my life have been any different if I'd met her then in person? At the time, we were only 2, 3 people waiting outside, it would have been possible to make a connection. But, as most things in my life, because of my idiocy or lack of perseverance, it didn't happen.
But we met again, perhaps 15 years ago, before a concert at Sheperd's Bush. It was a friendly, brief encounter, with a few other fangirls around and she was happy to sign her book 'Early Works' with a large 'Power to the people', and chat. Though, by then, life had dulled me and I had nothing special anymore to share with her.
At the Roundhouse, again, I bumped into her alone in her lodge, before the concert, by chance. She was on the phone and hastily agreed to sign my copy of her last book the MTrain, but waved me off after to carry on her phone call. I heard saying 'sorry, there was 'someone' ..' So someone disappeared and greatly enjoyed her amazing performance on stage. She has something of the shaman and can raise an audience to a near-sacred level when everyone feels something 'is happening' She has this powerful, wonderful, amazingly positive energy that can send everyone spiralling into happiness. She must have such deep wonder and respect for Life that she is able to pass on a similar near-sacred emotion to people in the audience. Someone said the concert was 'biblical' Yes there is, (bizarrely because it is all far away from 'religion!) but there is a sense of a biblical, sacred moment going on. She has that force, that aura, that voice.
It was odd to make the link with my old self of 15 yrs old, to know I still was that very person today and for ever. It was a deep and moving experience as if Time, roughless Time, for once had been conquered and the dots joined, no more distance nor separation, it was all there, in a nugget, in fabulous Horses galoping wild for Eternity.

Thank You, Patti Smith, for that.

The Clowns

The biggest joke of the Universe on the human race is to make them believe that their time and space are set in stone, invariable and eternal. Hence letting them invent gods and religions with unshakable creeds and devotions. What a farce for imbeciles.  Religious cunts need a bit of space-travel to get Relativity into their little brain cells. We are nothing but  tiny thinking piece of flesh thrown away on a dancing planet, turning round in circles around a deadly fire, the sun, that most idiots here, of course, worship as the source of life, when there is no other source of life than Water.
What a sad lot, what clowns, these 'humans' some zombies, some robots, most dumber than animals, most more pathetic than the dust under their feet. But what devastation they've unleashed on the most beautiful world created. What hate and brutality.
It is difficult to feel of the same race and from my earlier years, I have felt no affinities, no understanding. Usually we call  people unsympathetic to the human race 'psychopath' but in my case I believe the opposite. That I am born within a race of psychopaths, with only a few, too rare exceptions, and that the big majority is totally lacking in empathy and sensibility. Ego, vanity, vainness, perversion, cruelty, manipulation, bare pride, stupid pride, yes all that abounds around. But fineness, perception, sensitivity, receptivity, originality, kindness, beauty, strikingly lack. Thanks god for artists, poets, musicians, writers, creators. Otherwise what kind of lowly order of hell would this be?
It is more and more painful and depressing, I am convinced, for sensitive souls to exist nowadays. The horizon has considerably darken, the future pregnant with death and disorder. We loathe and despise each other more and more because our collective spirit is dying and the bare bones of horror start to show.
Gurdjieff was right. Someone at some point played a terrifying joke on humans, implanting them with a 'kundabuffer': an implement that make them see and experience everything upside down. Yes indeed. And unless you are granted the privilege, or strive for truth in some way, to undo it, nothing can be done: you are and will remain an idiot, a clown taking shadows for reality...